


his shoe is untied he swears

by tolbaguette



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst with a happy ending??, Angst?, Anniversary, Crying, Evan Is A Good Boyfriend, Fluff, Jared overthinks some things, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Not major angst I guess idk man, a bunch - Freeform, jared cries, they happy, they love eachother
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-10-30 15:31:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17831255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tolbaguette/pseuds/tolbaguette
Summary: Jared gets scared about Evan’s response to a marriage proposal and cries a little bit but that’s okay it’s all okay in the end :)—I wrote this on and off in a day and it might not be good but 🤷♂️ amirite





	his shoe is untied he swears

They walked hand in hand down a small dirt road in the park nearest to their shared apartment. One man was focused on his lover right next to him, the other man focused on the way the starts illuminated the lake beside them. It was their anniversary, celebrating six years together. They had just finished with a nice dinner, and were now taking a short walk before heading home.

Jared kept his eyes on his boyfriend’s face, who was looking out at the lake. He couldn’t help but smile at Evan, squeezing his hand to get his attention. Evan looked back at Jared, grinning a little bit. Jared’s smile grew wider at the sight of Evan’s smile.

They slowed to a stop, and Jared moved to stand in front of Evan. He muttered an ‘I love you,’ and pulled him into a kiss, a hand on each cheek. Evan returned the kiss, hands moving to Jared’s waist to pull him closer.

When they parted, they both had huge smiles painting their lips. Evan was the first to speak, “Thanks for today.”

“Always.” Jared pecked Evan’s lips again, thumbs lightly stroking his cheekbones. It was now or never.

Jared’s plan was to propose. He had bought the ring a long time ago, but had always chickened out on proposing. He wouldn’t tonight. He wouldn’t let himself.

So, removing his hands from Evan’s face and stepping back, Jared lowered himself onto one knee. He could see Evan’s eyes light up. He almost reached for the ring safely hidden in his jacket pocket.

But- what if Evan says no? What if he doesn’t want to commit yet? What if- what if- All these ‘what if’ thoughts ran through Jared’s head, and his face dropped. He looked down at the ground and proceeded to tie his shoe- that he had to untie but let’s not dwell on that right now.

This happened every time. Thoughts of Evan leaving him, or saying no, or just reacting bad altogether made him chicken out. Tonight, getting down on one knee, was the farthest he’s ever gotten.

After finishing with his shoe, Jared stood back up and pulled Evan into a kiss immediately, forcing the thoughts out of his mind and not looking to see if Evan was disappointed. He kept his eyes down and took Evan’s hand again, moving back to his side, “i love you. Let’s go home, yeah?”

Evan nodded, “Yeah.” He would ask Jared about what that was, but he doesn’t want to trigger an argument, or make Jared feel bad.

They made their way out of the park and to their car, the drive home silent, yet still loving. They kept their hands together the whole time.

—

When they got home, they took a shower together, and got ready for bed. Jared was out of the bathroom before Evan, and he got into bed after putting the engagement ring into his nightstand for safe keeping. He always does- so Evan doesn’t find it in his jacket.

Jared wrapped himself up in the blankets, sitting up and leaning against his pillows and the headboard. He thought back on the events that happened today, smiling to himself. Today was a good day, he and Evan spent the day focused on each other, not work, or school, or anything else. It was a good day. 

But his failed proposal still hung over his head. He can’t believe he didn’t just- do it. He’s such a coward. Of course Evan isn’t going to say no, they’ve been dating since senior year in high school. They’ve gotten past the honeymoon phase of their relationship and are still together, and are still very much in love. But Jared’s just, too nervous and insecure to propose to the love of his life. Evan’s probably sick of all the fake outs- all the almost-proposals. Jared feels bad for playing with Evan’s emotions- but he’s just, scared. Scared that Evan will laugh at him and say that he doesn’t want to marry Jared- that he can’t stand the thought of being legally tied to him. He’s scared that Evan will start to hate him if he assumes that Evan wants to get married. He’s scared of- of losing Evan. Over something so stupid. He wouldn’t say no- but Jared’s still terrified. And he feels stupid for being terrified.

He didn’t realize he was crying until he noticed his glasses were fogging up.

He pulled the blankets around him more, fingernails digging into his palms as he struggled to cry quietly. Hopefully he’ll stop before Evan comes in.

 

Unfortunately, Evan walked in less than thirty seconds later, “Ready for a cuddle ses- Jared?” Evan rushed over to the bed, climbing in and pulling Jared into his arms, “Baby- what’s wrong?” He pulled the glasses off Jared’s face, then ran a hand through Jared’s hair.

Jared stared at his glasses that were now sitting on the bed in front of them, “I’m s-sorry-“ He didn’t want to tell Evan; he didn’t want to ruin the surprise, or seen like a fucking idiot for freaking out about this.

“Jare-“ It broke Evan’s heart to see Jared like this, especially on their anniversary. It makes him think that this was his fault. “Did I do something..?”

Jared shook his head, pulling away and looking up at Evan, “n-no! Never- you’re fine- you’re perfect- I’m j-just- a coward- a stupid fucking coward-“ A fresh wave of tears made their way past Jared’s eyes, and Jared promptly hid his face in his hands.

“Hey- Hey, no, J- stop.” Evan pulled Jared’s hands away, replacing them with his own on Jared’s cheeks. He wiped away tears, “can you tell me what happened? Why you think you’re a coward?”

Jared whimpered a little bit, closing his eyes, “I- I didn’t- I’m- I love you so much-“ He didn’t know how to go about telling Evan. He wanted to tell him- he’s going to, communication is key, but he doesn’t know how. “I- I tried to- and then I didn’t- I don’t know how you-“ He shook his head.

Evan frowned a little, “What did you try to do, J?” 

Jared took a very shaky breath in, then pulled away from Evan’s hands. He wiped his face on his arm, then turned to his nightstand.

Evan watched in confusion as Jared pulled something out of his nightstand.

Jared held the velvet box in his hands, staring down at it. “I- I tried to- and I didn’t know how you’d r-react- I assumed it would b-be positive but my- my train of thought is s-shit and who w-would want to m-marry me? I’m-m a fucking asshole who d-doesn’t know how to show his f-feelings so I h-hurt everyone around m-me. I’m s-sor-“ 

Evan cut him off, “woah woah woah woah woah- wait- marriage?”

Jared looked up at Evan, the once-slowing tears now falling at a faster pace, “s-see, I knew y-you wouldn’t w-want t-to- I’m s-so sor-sorry-“

Evan shook his head, “no, no Jared- no i- I’m just confused- we can talk about all of this in a second okay? I just want you to calm down. You’re not thinking straight-“ Marriage? He was gonna propose? Well- Evan knew that little kneel wasn’t just to tie his shoe- but— no, Jared’s crying, this doesn’t matter right now. Evan pulled Jared into his arms, a hand moving to his hair to gently stroke and scratch lightly. He gently shushed him, trying to help him calm down. 

They sat like that for a while, Jared slowly calming down, his crying reduced down to occasional hiccups and sniffles. He pulled away from Evan when he was ready to speak.

Evan moved his hands down to Jared’s knees, keeping his eyes on his face as he waited for Jared to start talking.

Jared met Evan’s gaze, took a breath, then made a decision.

He opened the box, revealing the ring to Evan.

“I know this isn’t an ideal place to do this- but this is what this whole thing is about anyways. I- Evan Hansen. You are the light and love of my life, and I want to spend the rest of it with you. Even if I have to deal with your plant obsession and your anxiety— which are both things that make you you and I wouldn’t change that for the world, I love you so much— and even if you have to deal with my shitty sense of humor and my stupid cowardice and overthinking. I want every day to be you and me, even if we aren’t together all the time. I love you so so much and I feel like a shit boyfriend for thinking that you’d say no- even though that’s a possibility I don’t want to assume things- but that’s just my shit mind making me feel terrible about everything- I don’t know anymore all I know is that I’m sorry I’m such a coward and-“ He took a deep breath, “will you marry me?”

Evan had been completely silent, a hand over his mouth. He couldn’t believe- holy shit- he needs to respond.

“I- shit- Jared- yes! Of course I’ll marry you- I don’t know why you would think I would say no- I- I want to spend the rest I of my life with you. I’ve been waiting for you to ask this- since I sure as hell wasn’t gonna propose until I was sure you weren’t going to. Holy shit Jared I love you so much-“

Jared grinned, wide, the widest he had every grinned. He took Evan’s hand, slipping the ring on his finger, “I’m so sorry that I freaked out about this- I just- got scared.” He held onto Evan’s hands, looking down at them, “But I’m okay now. I’m okay and now I want to cuddle you-“

Evan nodded, taking his hands back and setting them on Jared’s cheeks, making him look up. He pressed their lips together, kissing Jared with all his happiness. Jared kissed him back with just as much joy and love. 

When they parted, Jared started giggling. He was laughing at how stupid he was for thinking Evan would reject him. He was laughing at himself for doubting Evan’s love of him. Evan giggled just a little bit along with him. Jared pressed his face into Evan’s shoulder, laughter slowly dying down, “I love you so much. And I’m ready for sleep now. I’m too tired to continue being awake.”

Evan nodded, pulling away from Jared to go turn the lights off. Jared set the box and his glasses on his nightstand. When Evan came back, they snuggled up together under the duvet. 

“Ev?”

“Yeah, J?”

“I love you. Thank you for saying yes, and for helping me through my stupid breakdown.”

Evan smiled, pressing his face into Jared’s chest as they cuddled, “it wasn’t stupid, Jare. But, you’re welcome. Thank you for finally proposing.” 

Jared kissed the top of Evan’s head, “no problem, Evan. G’night.”

The response he got was a small hum as he closed his eyes, drifting off into a peaceful sleep, cuddled with his future husband.


End file.
